"And I suppose I also have to make the obligatory 'I swear I'll update more often' comment. As is true with most comments like this, the promise has a high likelihood of being broken. It won't be for a lack of caring though. That's a promise I can indeed make."
-Jacob, 4/3/06
"I foresee a grand return to TiWWK quite soon. Yes, indeed." (sips tea)
-Jacob, 9/10/2006
"I think candy is pretty."
-Jacob, 3/7/1988
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Team Famously Obscure
Let me take the briefest break from my studies to notice the induction of Viggo Mortensen into the exclusive group of actors called Team Famously Obscure. Congratulations, Mr. Mortensen. You're in good company.
The Team Famously Obscure Dossier
Leader: Bill Paxton
Code Name: 6-Pax
Member since: May 1976
Quick Fact: Paxton has made several short films, one of which, Fish Heads, appeared on Saturday Night Live in 1982.
After years of vying for top spot, Paxton finally became leader by starring in HBO's most talked-about show since Six Feet Under, Big Love. Back in mid-2005, then-TFO leader Dennis Quaid called the move "risque" to play a polygamist. Despite Quaid's prediction, Paxton's powerplay paid off. This is the second time Paxton has enjoyed being the leader of this group of unsung greats. The first time he was leader was directly after the release of Titanic, where he played underwater explorer Brock Lovett. This first reign was short, as bitter rival Bill Pullman soon started taking credit for the role. The two haven't spoken since.
Captain: Dennis Quaid
Code Name: Textana
Member since: May 1976
Quick Fact: Quaid's code name is an amalgamation of his two favorite states in the union.
Just unseated by his TFO cohort Paxton, Quaid is credited with the creation of this elite group of actors. Despite this noble recognition as founder, however, Quaid insists that it was a joint effort between himself and Paxton. They met on the set of Crazy Mama back in 1975 and found a common interest in their collective obscurity, and, incidentally, their homestate: Texas. The two got to talking, says Quaid, and "things just materialized." In mere months their HQ in Montana was completely operational. Quaid has only once been ranked lower than Captain, right after the release of Innerspace. It was after this release that new-comer Bill Pullman took Quaid to task for allowing then-girlfriend Meg Ryan to "just hang around HQ, eat our food and shit." Paxton agreed with Pullman, and Quaid was demoted. Quaid has since admitted his wrongdoing.
First Lieutenant: Gary Sinise
Code Name: The Crusher
Member since: December 1995
Quick Fact: Sinise plays bass guitar for the Lieutenant Dan Band*.
Sinise, probably the most controversial member of TFO, was inducted after meeting Paxton on the set of Apollo 13. Both Quaid and Pullman initially disagreed with Paxton's nomination of Sinise, mostly for the, as Quaid put it, "totally not" obscure appearance in Forrest Gump. "Everybody knows Lieutenant Dan," remarked Quaid, scornfully. When it looked as though Sinise would not make the cut, Sinise, in a last-ditch effort to join, vowed to never play a memorable character in a film again. Soon after the vow, Quaid and Pullman reluctantly approved Sinise's induction. Sinise has to this day kept his honorable vow.
Treasurer: Bill Pullman
Code Name: Eyeshot
Member Since: November 1987
Quick Fact: Pullman's code name comes from the little-known fact that Pullman lost his sense of smell after an accident in college. He claims that, like the enhanced hearing effect that blind people experience, his sense of sight was enhanced after this accident. His doctor, as well as the other members of TFO, are skeptical of this claim.
Pullman's most recent controversy surrounds the aforementioned incident where he, for a short time, claimed to be Brock Lovett in the film Titanic. This part was, of course, actually played by Paxton. Quaid and Sinese, however, were none the wiser and fell for Pullman's trick (despite Paxton's fervent claim that he was in Titanic). Seeing no reason for Pullman to lie, as he usually had good standing in the group, Quaid and Sinese approved his ascension to leader. Pullman was leader of TFO for a short, 14-hour period, during which time Paxton took Quaid to the theater to prove that it was he who was in Titanic, not Pullman. Quaid was not convinced until the credits rolled. Pullman was immediately demoted and reprimanded for this deceit. Had Pullman not obtained the Immunity Gown by completing a series of difficult team missions (one of which was "First Member to Play President," which Pullman did just one year before in Independence Day), he most certainly would have been excommunicated from the group. To make up for his wrongdoing, Pullman has made an extra effort to be famously obscure by acting in completely unmemorable parts. This effort has not been lost on Sinise and Quaid, but Paxton has not spoken to Pullman since the incident.
New Inductee: Viggo Mortensen
Code Name: Velvet Thunder
Member since: April 2006
Quick Fact: Mortensen's real name is Febrey Chatsworth. He changed it to something a bit more marketable.
Mortensen was elated when he heard this month that his induction was approved by all members of TFO. Although his work with Lord of the Rings highly jeopardized his induction, the TFO recognized that Mortensen had applied for a membership long before LOTR, around 1997, when his work was completely unrecognizeable. Also, an unmistakenly large part of Mortensen's induction had to do with the four existing members of TFO viewing a film together (a custom they share every first and third Tuesday of the month) called A History of Violence. Regardless of the fact that it's now Quaid's "favorite film ever, hands down," all four members agreed, during their post-movie discussion at Cold Stone, that Mortensen was the exact combination of Paxton, Quaid, Sinise, and Pullman rolled into one. This, explained Paxton, "fulfilled the prophecy of the TFO Manifesto." Continued Sinese, "He's the one. If he's not, I'll eat my foot." Mortensen was immediately approved and, once the secret trials were completed, inducted earlier this month.
*This is one of the very few true facts in this article. I kid you not. Here's the proof. Honestly, it's very cool that Sinise is doing this.
Special thanks to The Internet Movie Database, and Wikipedia.
Tags: Bill Paxton, Dennis Quaid, Gary Sinise, Bill Pullman, Viggo Mortensen, totally untrue things about celebrities whom I truly respect
The Team Famously Obscure Dossier
Leader: Bill Paxton
Code Name: 6-Pax
Member since: May 1976
Quick Fact: Paxton has made several short films, one of which, Fish Heads, appeared on Saturday Night Live in 1982.
After years of vying for top spot, Paxton finally became leader by starring in HBO's most talked-about show since Six Feet Under, Big Love. Back in mid-2005, then-TFO leader Dennis Quaid called the move "risque" to play a polygamist. Despite Quaid's prediction, Paxton's powerplay paid off. This is the second time Paxton has enjoyed being the leader of this group of unsung greats. The first time he was leader was directly after the release of Titanic, where he played underwater explorer Brock Lovett. This first reign was short, as bitter rival Bill Pullman soon started taking credit for the role. The two haven't spoken since.
Captain: Dennis Quaid
Code Name: Textana
Member since: May 1976
Quick Fact: Quaid's code name is an amalgamation of his two favorite states in the union.
Just unseated by his TFO cohort Paxton, Quaid is credited with the creation of this elite group of actors. Despite this noble recognition as founder, however, Quaid insists that it was a joint effort between himself and Paxton. They met on the set of Crazy Mama back in 1975 and found a common interest in their collective obscurity, and, incidentally, their homestate: Texas. The two got to talking, says Quaid, and "things just materialized." In mere months their HQ in Montana was completely operational. Quaid has only once been ranked lower than Captain, right after the release of Innerspace. It was after this release that new-comer Bill Pullman took Quaid to task for allowing then-girlfriend Meg Ryan to "just hang around HQ, eat our food and shit." Paxton agreed with Pullman, and Quaid was demoted. Quaid has since admitted his wrongdoing.
First Lieutenant: Gary Sinise
Code Name: The Crusher
Member since: December 1995
Quick Fact: Sinise plays bass guitar for the Lieutenant Dan Band*.
Sinise, probably the most controversial member of TFO, was inducted after meeting Paxton on the set of Apollo 13. Both Quaid and Pullman initially disagreed with Paxton's nomination of Sinise, mostly for the, as Quaid put it, "totally not" obscure appearance in Forrest Gump. "Everybody knows Lieutenant Dan," remarked Quaid, scornfully. When it looked as though Sinise would not make the cut, Sinise, in a last-ditch effort to join, vowed to never play a memorable character in a film again. Soon after the vow, Quaid and Pullman reluctantly approved Sinise's induction. Sinise has to this day kept his honorable vow.
Treasurer: Bill Pullman
Code Name: Eyeshot
Member Since: November 1987
Quick Fact: Pullman's code name comes from the little-known fact that Pullman lost his sense of smell after an accident in college. He claims that, like the enhanced hearing effect that blind people experience, his sense of sight was enhanced after this accident. His doctor, as well as the other members of TFO, are skeptical of this claim.
Pullman's most recent controversy surrounds the aforementioned incident where he, for a short time, claimed to be Brock Lovett in the film Titanic. This part was, of course, actually played by Paxton. Quaid and Sinese, however, were none the wiser and fell for Pullman's trick (despite Paxton's fervent claim that he was in Titanic). Seeing no reason for Pullman to lie, as he usually had good standing in the group, Quaid and Sinese approved his ascension to leader. Pullman was leader of TFO for a short, 14-hour period, during which time Paxton took Quaid to the theater to prove that it was he who was in Titanic, not Pullman. Quaid was not convinced until the credits rolled. Pullman was immediately demoted and reprimanded for this deceit. Had Pullman not obtained the Immunity Gown by completing a series of difficult team missions (one of which was "First Member to Play President," which Pullman did just one year before in Independence Day), he most certainly would have been excommunicated from the group. To make up for his wrongdoing, Pullman has made an extra effort to be famously obscure by acting in completely unmemorable parts. This effort has not been lost on Sinise and Quaid, but Paxton has not spoken to Pullman since the incident.
New Inductee: Viggo Mortensen
Code Name: Velvet Thunder
Member since: April 2006
Quick Fact: Mortensen's real name is Febrey Chatsworth. He changed it to something a bit more marketable.
Mortensen was elated when he heard this month that his induction was approved by all members of TFO. Although his work with Lord of the Rings highly jeopardized his induction, the TFO recognized that Mortensen had applied for a membership long before LOTR, around 1997, when his work was completely unrecognizeable. Also, an unmistakenly large part of Mortensen's induction had to do with the four existing members of TFO viewing a film together (a custom they share every first and third Tuesday of the month) called A History of Violence. Regardless of the fact that it's now Quaid's "favorite film ever, hands down," all four members agreed, during their post-movie discussion at Cold Stone, that Mortensen was the exact combination of Paxton, Quaid, Sinise, and Pullman rolled into one. This, explained Paxton, "fulfilled the prophecy of the TFO Manifesto." Continued Sinese, "He's the one. If he's not, I'll eat my foot." Mortensen was immediately approved and, once the secret trials were completed, inducted earlier this month.
*This is one of the very few true facts in this article. I kid you not. Here's the proof. Honestly, it's very cool that Sinise is doing this.
Special thanks to The Internet Movie Database, and Wikipedia.
Tags: Bill Paxton, Dennis Quaid, Gary Sinise, Bill Pullman, Viggo Mortensen, totally untrue things about celebrities whom I truly respect
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